with the context of: there's a shared intention for what we want and i like the person - one thing that i've started to do that has helped put my guard down has been to just ask myself

"what if this works?" as in what if we're still together in 5, 10, etc years

there's one viewpoint in which it raises the stakes and makes it harder to be vulnerable because now you have a fantasy to protect. but in another it actually lets me be free-er because:

1. if this is going to be long lasting then mulling over micro-decisions probably isn't a big deal.

2. it helps me feel a sense of comfort - almost as if i'm borrowing comfort from the future fantasy to feel easier being vulnerable now and just saying things i mean.

i've def felt at times i'm almost facilitating the future in this way and if things fall apart i don't feel the regret of not trying/feel it was about me.

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such a timely piece (for me) :)

I love your take on it such an interesting perspective. I recently watched Indian Matchmaking and one of the things I remember the matchmaker mentioned is to only focus on one person at a time, pouring all one's time and efforts in truly understanding them. Then if it does not work out, move on.

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