with the context of: there's a shared intention for what we want and i like the person - one thing that i've started to do that has helped put my guard down has been to just ask myself
"what if this works?" as in what if we're still together in 5, 10, etc years
there's one viewpoint in which it raises the stakes and makes it harder to be vulnerable because now you have a fantasy to protect. but in another it actually lets me be free-er because:
1. if this is going to be long lasting then mulling over micro-decisions probably isn't a big deal.
2. it helps me feel a sense of comfort - almost as if i'm borrowing comfort from the future fantasy to feel easier being vulnerable now and just saying things i mean.
i've def felt at times i'm almost facilitating the future in this way and if things fall apart i don't feel the regret of not trying/feel it was about me.
I love your take on it such an interesting perspective. I recently watched Indian Matchmaking and one of the things I remember the matchmaker mentioned is to only focus on one person at a time, pouring all one's time and efforts in truly understanding them. Then if it does not work out, move on.
oh interesting, I haven't seen the show, but do agree there's a good reason to focus on one person at a time, though the sad thing is it probably works best if everyone is focusing on one person at a time instead of "playing the field."
with the context of: there's a shared intention for what we want and i like the person - one thing that i've started to do that has helped put my guard down has been to just ask myself
"what if this works?" as in what if we're still together in 5, 10, etc years
there's one viewpoint in which it raises the stakes and makes it harder to be vulnerable because now you have a fantasy to protect. but in another it actually lets me be free-er because:
1. if this is going to be long lasting then mulling over micro-decisions probably isn't a big deal.
2. it helps me feel a sense of comfort - almost as if i'm borrowing comfort from the future fantasy to feel easier being vulnerable now and just saying things i mean.
i've def felt at times i'm almost facilitating the future in this way and if things fall apart i don't feel the regret of not trying/feel it was about me.
thanks for sharing this. love that you're thinking about the future in this way, and it's allowing you to be more vulnerable in the present.
such a timely piece (for me) :)
I love your take on it such an interesting perspective. I recently watched Indian Matchmaking and one of the things I remember the matchmaker mentioned is to only focus on one person at a time, pouring all one's time and efforts in truly understanding them. Then if it does not work out, move on.
oh interesting, I haven't seen the show, but do agree there's a good reason to focus on one person at a time, though the sad thing is it probably works best if everyone is focusing on one person at a time instead of "playing the field."