I went through the exact same realisations a couple of years ago...I was burnt out by dating apps, so I decided to change my focus on finding friends instead. It worked to varying degrees of success - Bumble BFF made it easy to meet people easily, but the relationships stayed superficial. I studied a course and the consistent interaction in a school-like setting helped forge deeper friendships, but you're right that the magic of the "stickiness" of friendships only happen when both parties are dedicated and diligent.
thanks for sharing your experience, chitra! i also tried bumble bff at one point and found the concept really intriguing but ran into the problem that i write about in this piece, which was i couldn't find time to sustain these new friendships.
Your last point about serendipity really resonated with me. A lot of what I miss about working in-person was exactly that (and being lucky enough to work with great people I enjoyed being around). Definitely saying "yes" as much as possible these days to things I wouldn't have before. People really do appreciate having that friend who's down for almost anything!
Pretty much everything is better when you focus on the journey instead of the destination. That’s the trouble with dating apps and networking on LinkedIn. The focus is on the wrong thing.
Being chronically ill, I can relate to internet acquaintances being the primary way in which I meet people, but to your point, I do miss the camaraderie characteristic of "intensely intimate friendship." Appreciate your reminder to say yes more often!
ah, thanks nita! i also feel nostalgic about the intensely intimate friendships from childhood and adolescence - they're so hard to maintain, but i think that's probably very natural as people take on new "adult" responsibilities and move farther away.
I find the way in which people frame loneliness to be very weird.
Loneliness seems to be something closely tied to the absence of romance or romantic partnership.
When it could more broadly include the absence of deep social connection.
I have a suspicion that there are meaningful social ties in your life / in your city. Of course you aren’t indicating otherwise. I bring this up because I personally find myself having a hard time focusing on the positive. This is kind of related to what you wrote in Ugly Feelings our experiences can be warped by how we introspect on something happening as well as by those around us.
Your experience of a hotel can diminish from hearing bad accounts of the hotel even though nothing has changed for you. Similarly your outlook on life can change via societal pressure and personal focus on what’s good and what isn’t.
As you point out meeting people is already hard and building that connection is even harder! Sometimes the friendship can feel asymmetrical like one party is putting in way more effort than the other party to build the friendship.
A natural way for friendship to grow is for there to be a chance to encounter allowing for friends to reconnect. This combines the serendipitous element.
I’ve also seen the prevailing thought that expressing who you are on something like a blog as you are doing is a way to show who you are. Essentially maintaining a blog can be a good way to attract people that value how you think and your personality.
I went through the exact same realisations a couple of years ago...I was burnt out by dating apps, so I decided to change my focus on finding friends instead. It worked to varying degrees of success - Bumble BFF made it easy to meet people easily, but the relationships stayed superficial. I studied a course and the consistent interaction in a school-like setting helped forge deeper friendships, but you're right that the magic of the "stickiness" of friendships only happen when both parties are dedicated and diligent.
thanks for sharing your experience, chitra! i also tried bumble bff at one point and found the concept really intriguing but ran into the problem that i write about in this piece, which was i couldn't find time to sustain these new friendships.
Your last point about serendipity really resonated with me. A lot of what I miss about working in-person was exactly that (and being lucky enough to work with great people I enjoyed being around). Definitely saying "yes" as much as possible these days to things I wouldn't have before. People really do appreciate having that friend who's down for almost anything!
thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, brett! i can definitely relate to enjoying the social aspect of working from an office.
Pretty much everything is better when you focus on the journey instead of the destination. That’s the trouble with dating apps and networking on LinkedIn. The focus is on the wrong thing.
Being chronically ill, I can relate to internet acquaintances being the primary way in which I meet people, but to your point, I do miss the camaraderie characteristic of "intensely intimate friendship." Appreciate your reminder to say yes more often!
ah, thanks nita! i also feel nostalgic about the intensely intimate friendships from childhood and adolescence - they're so hard to maintain, but i think that's probably very natural as people take on new "adult" responsibilities and move farther away.
I find the way in which people frame loneliness to be very weird.
Loneliness seems to be something closely tied to the absence of romance or romantic partnership.
When it could more broadly include the absence of deep social connection.
I have a suspicion that there are meaningful social ties in your life / in your city. Of course you aren’t indicating otherwise. I bring this up because I personally find myself having a hard time focusing on the positive. This is kind of related to what you wrote in Ugly Feelings our experiences can be warped by how we introspect on something happening as well as by those around us.
Your experience of a hotel can diminish from hearing bad accounts of the hotel even though nothing has changed for you. Similarly your outlook on life can change via societal pressure and personal focus on what’s good and what isn’t.
As you point out meeting people is already hard and building that connection is even harder! Sometimes the friendship can feel asymmetrical like one party is putting in way more effort than the other party to build the friendship.
A natural way for friendship to grow is for there to be a chance to encounter allowing for friends to reconnect. This combines the serendipitous element.
I’ve also seen the prevailing thought that expressing who you are on something like a blog as you are doing is a way to show who you are. Essentially maintaining a blog can be a good way to attract people that value how you think and your personality.