11 Comments
User's avatar
Valerie's avatar

Resonate a lot with this! I'm 1.5 years post college graduation, and it's incredibly hard for me to get the sheer silliness from that time period back. Maybe a dinner party is the way to go.

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Samuel Baiden's avatar

Loved this!!

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Yuqi's avatar

"With, say, 20+ people, you can have many conversational fire pits going, and if one is extinguished, the party goes on because there are other fires still crackling." is a fantastic sentence. I love the direction you're going!

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Cissy Hu's avatar

congrats on hosting your first dinner party! feels like a rite of passage for late 20s & early 30s😌

love the essence of this essay and the reminder to tap into our childlike wonder and give others the permission to awaken dormant parts of themselves - a big intention of mine this year!

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Tanner Tracht's avatar

Any advice for creating an environment conducive to this without seeming forced or cringe? I totally agree with the premise, but when I picture doing this with some of my more serious friends I anticipate a *first day of class icebreaker awkward* moment.

To answer my own question I bet having at least 1 partner who understands the assignment would help undo the log jam of needing to appear dignified.

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Cissy Hu's avatar

I’ve found setting the expectation at the invite stage to be helpful so it’s not sprung on people the night of and gives them the ability to opt in/out - themed dinners can be fun

also really helps to focus on trying to convene your silliest friends first and get the momentum going before trying it with friends that might find a hang like this cringe

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Elaine's avatar

your suggestion is great! i did have a friend who basically came up with two of the games and organized them. also agree with cissy that setting the expectation upfront can be helpful.

i think with a small group of friendly and open-minded people, even the most serious friends can open up and show their goofier side. the key is creating an environment that feels safe and relaxed. a big party could make more introverted people clamp up, so i would keep the group small.

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Chris Jesu Lee's avatar

Dinner parties are fun! Have you ever seen the Frasier dinner party episode? A prime lesson on what not to do lol.

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Elaine's avatar

i actually have not, but now i'm really curious to see it!

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Alone's avatar

I’ve also been hosting dinner parties recently since I moved into a larger apartment. It definitely is scary wondering if different friend group will mesh but I haven’t had any bad experiences yet. And my bias has always been to medium sized parties, I feel large parties make it too easy to be a wallflower.

And I love the Keith J reference. As soon as you explained the candy cane game improv comedy and his book came to mind. There’s something about silly things like that that make it so obvious how ossified/overly serious we have become, like trying an sport and realizing you are deeply uncoordinated.

I’m not sure if you’ve read much of him but Alan Watts has some tangentially related essays on how we treat life as *very serious* when it needn’t be. I.e. maybe life isn’t a destination, or a journey. Maybe

It’s a dance.

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Elaine's avatar

love the way you put it - "like trying a sport and realizing you are deeply uncoordinated."

i haven't read that much alan watts, so i'll check out some of his essays!

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